I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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