My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize