you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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