Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
