Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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