Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
