Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
