how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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