Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
