omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
