can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
worst night to have a conscience
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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