An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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