weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
