I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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