Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
