i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
