i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
