There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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