How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
