The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
