she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
