he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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