Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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