bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize