so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize