this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
