i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
