hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
