You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
