Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you had me at cake vodka
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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