You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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