The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
