At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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