i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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