He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
