I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
