Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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