my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize