Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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