well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
