pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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