Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize