I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
