I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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