Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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