there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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