Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
