I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
