How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
