We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
