it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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