I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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