I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
