UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
