Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
