Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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