i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
