Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
