if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
