if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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