I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize