Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
