I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
