And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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