I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
