Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
