all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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