all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
