Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
