Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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