i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
