operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
