we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i think i just lost a toe
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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