We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
