So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
