just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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