Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
