she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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