All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
