: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
