Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think my tv is drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize