So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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