if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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