the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
