im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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