dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize