After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
